Saturday, November 15, 2008
A philospher am I
"We live for the memories, the new ones to be made and the old ones in our hearts."
Friday, November 14, 2008
Restaurants I love to hate
Exhibit A: The Old Spaghetti Factory
At first glance this restaurant seems like a wonderland of hoopla (ie my kind of eating establishment)
Fully decked out with old movie photos, a streetcar, a merry-go-round as well as various other garnishes to the walls, it seems like such a magical place. Unfortunately they spend all of their budget on the decorations and ignore the magical quality of the food. I can pretty much sum up what they serve in two words...Mushy Spaghetti.
Why anyone would pay $9 for Mushy spaghetti is beyond me. And you may say, Eve, they have other items on the menu...
All I have to say to that is...they are equally as bad if not worse.
I have tried their tortallini (barf), salads (not actually salad, more like dried yellow lettuce on a plate, mixed in with some shaved carrots) and the worse was definitely what I ate last night. Manicotti. Except that it wasn't manicotti, it was some sort of shmorgasbord of cheese. Smushed cheese, fried onto the plate cheese, alfredo sause in between a pasta lining. It was basically like a lasagna that had exploded, found its way back into a bowl and then was covered in fried cheese.
So even the most expensive pasta on the menu was degutant.
For some strange reason, out of all the restaurants in the city, this happens to be Mat's all time favourite. I, of course, blame his father, who would bring Mat here whenever they came into the city when he was growing up. Clearly Mat was deprived of spaghetti in house, or he would never have come to think that the food here was all that spectacular.
Frankly, I don't really need to speculate, I'm convinced the main pull of this restaurant is that they serve you ice cream for free at the end of the meal.
Let me set the scene for my most recent Spaghetti Factory encounter.
After experiencing three hours of name pronunciation at Convocation Hall last night, it was finally time for food. There is only one time I get cranky, and that is when I'm hungry, so you could imagine my dissapointment knowing that after getting through Mat and about 300 other graduates being presented with their diplomas, I was heading to the Spaghetti factory. I felt like I should have been wearing one of those t-shirts...
I went to Convocation at U of T and all I got was mushy spaghetti.
Maybe it doesn't work as well, but that is how I felt.
We got there, and I had to run around the restaurant to get someone to seat us. It is either crazy busy (again, I don't understand the lure of mushy spaghetti) or completely empty. Although in my experience, you get served a lot quicker when it is crazy busy, we hardly saw our waitress all of last night.
Finally when we sat down, we got our sourdough bread. For me, the sourdough bread is the only reason I put up with Mat's obsession with eating at this restaurant.
To make a long story short, after eating the bread (of which I ate lots of, knowing what else in meal was to come) I hardley touched the rest of my dinner, the manicotti explosion.
What restaurants to do you love to hate?
Bon Appetit!
At first glance this restaurant seems like a wonderland of hoopla (ie my kind of eating establishment)
Fully decked out with old movie photos, a streetcar, a merry-go-round as well as various other garnishes to the walls, it seems like such a magical place. Unfortunately they spend all of their budget on the decorations and ignore the magical quality of the food. I can pretty much sum up what they serve in two words...Mushy Spaghetti.
Why anyone would pay $9 for Mushy spaghetti is beyond me. And you may say, Eve, they have other items on the menu...
All I have to say to that is...they are equally as bad if not worse.
I have tried their tortallini (barf), salads (not actually salad, more like dried yellow lettuce on a plate, mixed in with some shaved carrots) and the worse was definitely what I ate last night. Manicotti. Except that it wasn't manicotti, it was some sort of shmorgasbord of cheese. Smushed cheese, fried onto the plate cheese, alfredo sause in between a pasta lining. It was basically like a lasagna that had exploded, found its way back into a bowl and then was covered in fried cheese.
So even the most expensive pasta on the menu was degutant.
For some strange reason, out of all the restaurants in the city, this happens to be Mat's all time favourite. I, of course, blame his father, who would bring Mat here whenever they came into the city when he was growing up. Clearly Mat was deprived of spaghetti in house, or he would never have come to think that the food here was all that spectacular.
Frankly, I don't really need to speculate, I'm convinced the main pull of this restaurant is that they serve you ice cream for free at the end of the meal.
Let me set the scene for my most recent Spaghetti Factory encounter.
After experiencing three hours of name pronunciation at Convocation Hall last night, it was finally time for food. There is only one time I get cranky, and that is when I'm hungry, so you could imagine my dissapointment knowing that after getting through Mat and about 300 other graduates being presented with their diplomas, I was heading to the Spaghetti factory. I felt like I should have been wearing one of those t-shirts...
I went to Convocation at U of T and all I got was mushy spaghetti.
Maybe it doesn't work as well, but that is how I felt.
We got there, and I had to run around the restaurant to get someone to seat us. It is either crazy busy (again, I don't understand the lure of mushy spaghetti) or completely empty. Although in my experience, you get served a lot quicker when it is crazy busy, we hardly saw our waitress all of last night.
Finally when we sat down, we got our sourdough bread. For me, the sourdough bread is the only reason I put up with Mat's obsession with eating at this restaurant.
To make a long story short, after eating the bread (of which I ate lots of, knowing what else in meal was to come) I hardley touched the rest of my dinner, the manicotti explosion.
What restaurants to do you love to hate?
Bon Appetit!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Quotes from the old blog
I cannot resist posting these. Some of the things I wrote down are hilarious...
Monday March 28th 2005, 5:04pm
April 1st 2005 8:53pm
So.
Carnival- Within the first 10 minutes we blew the fuse in the gym and the bouncy castle collapsed with children still inside. (which I called the Bouncy Cave as it was a jungle themed carnival)
It looked really funny, and all the kids got out ok, but then two seconds later I realized I was not only covered in cotton candy-as I had been working the machine- but it now was no longer running. Children began to become so anxious and hungry that they attacked me like a pack of wild hyenas and ripped me to shreds to get a taste of some heated aired pink sugar.
So i made the last part up, but one kid did say I looked like the cones that you put the cotton candy on, because of how much of it ended up on my head and all over my arms and front.
Sunday March 27 2005
Friday March 25 2005
major renovations on the computer this weekend. We are running all sorts of scans, found out i had two trojans (wow do i sound like i know what i am talking about...? yeah...nooooo)
trogans=viruses=bad for the computer, thats about all i understand.
we also played football. I enlightened jesse by playing with him even though i can not catch a football for poop.
but there is always room for improvement. I think i will make it one of my goals for the summer, to actually learn how to catch a football without injuring myself. owwwww, i got one smack in the boob today, not fun, and i did not look normal running around holding myself while throwing the football the rest of the afternoon.
In reference to getting my crew Jacket in March 2005
and i haven't removed my jacket. i love it.
its so chic, but not chic girly, chich sporty. just my style!
Sunday March 13 2005
live breath and sing the praises of the seventh inning stretch
Monday February 21 2005
I HATE SCARY MOVIES. Well, it's not that I hate them, it really is because I am too much a wuss to take them.I was covering my whole body and everything but my forehead with my big green ski jacket.
Do you ever feel like if you aren't totally covered then that exposed part of your body is subject to the horror.
Wednesday February 2 2005
Sunday January 23 2005
Something else I think. Everyone should have themselves a designated hugger. Whenever in need of a hug that person will magically appear before your eyes, and proceed to hug you.
A good hug, long and full of love. and i do know how cheesy that sounds... just break out the can and spray it all over me!
My mom even sent me an email- and at the end of it " Remember dear, I would like some grandchildren"
I love my mother, honestly. I sent her back "is that supposed to be some kind of hint"
She sent back "you're quick my dear."
It's not like i'm not trying. But apparently I give off the friend vibe. I had some quality guy talk with one of my guy friends and that is what I got from him.
Gotta love vibes.
I can't help if i'm friendly. Fucking hell.
Monday January 3 2005
today was good, went to the ortho for no good reason
same old comb over/toupee. i never could tell
its fuzzy and scary all the same
Wednesday December 29 2004
Best new years ever would be a BLUE JAYS A THON
Watch both the world series (92 and 93)
dress up in all our blue jays gear
it would be good times
Sunday August 8 2004
My Mother and I were just looking at the Athens O4 guide that everyone got in the mail, with the times of races etc.
I commented that one of the women scullers rowing for Canada did her learn to row at Argos (the club i row out of now).
The words exchanged were "woah", and "you never know"
then she said to me...."If you make it, i'll drive you!"
I love my mother, she is hilarious. (Its funny because she drives me to rowing everyday.)
And no doubt she would drive me to the ends of the earth if I needed to row there.
Friday June 4 2004
That's all for now. Am I too nostaligic??? I think so....
Monday March 28th 2005, 5:04pm
I AM OFFICIALLY THE BIGGEST BALL OF STRESS YOU WILL EVER MEET! IF i survive this week, then I going to make myself a plaque! ah |
April 1st 2005 8:53pm
So.
Carnival- Within the first 10 minutes we blew the fuse in the gym and the bouncy castle collapsed with children still inside. (which I called the Bouncy Cave as it was a jungle themed carnival)
It looked really funny, and all the kids got out ok, but then two seconds later I realized I was not only covered in cotton candy-as I had been working the machine- but it now was no longer running. Children began to become so anxious and hungry that they attacked me like a pack of wild hyenas and ripped me to shreds to get a taste of some heated aired pink sugar.
So i made the last part up, but one kid did say I looked like the cones that you put the cotton candy on, because of how much of it ended up on my head and all over my arms and front.
Sunday March 27 2005
Pete Walker you rock my socks time a billion!!! |
Friday March 25 2005
major renovations on the computer this weekend. We are running all sorts of scans, found out i had two trojans (wow do i sound like i know what i am talking about...? yeah...nooooo)
trogans=viruses=bad for the computer, thats about all i understand.
we also played football. I enlightened jesse by playing with him even though i can not catch a football for poop.
but there is always room for improvement. I think i will make it one of my goals for the summer, to actually learn how to catch a football without injuring myself. owwwww, i got one smack in the boob today, not fun, and i did not look normal running around holding myself while throwing the football the rest of the afternoon.
In reference to getting my crew Jacket in March 2005
and i haven't removed my jacket. i love it.
its so chic, but not chic girly, chich sporty. just my style!
Sunday March 13 2005
live breath and sing the praises of the seventh inning stretch
Monday February 21 2005
I HATE SCARY MOVIES. Well, it's not that I hate them, it really is because I am too much a wuss to take them.I was covering my whole body and everything but my forehead with my big green ski jacket.
Do you ever feel like if you aren't totally covered then that exposed part of your body is subject to the horror.
Wednesday February 2 2005
THE ROGERS CENTER?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wednesday January 26 2005 in other news CARLOS HAS BECOME A FISH he went to the Marlins. See you later Carlos have fun at least you aren't in the ALEast |
Sunday January 23 2005
Something else I think. Everyone should have themselves a designated hugger. Whenever in need of a hug that person will magically appear before your eyes, and proceed to hug you.
A good hug, long and full of love. and i do know how cheesy that sounds... just break out the can and spray it all over me!
My mom even sent me an email- and at the end of it " Remember dear, I would like some grandchildren"
I love my mother, honestly. I sent her back "is that supposed to be some kind of hint"
She sent back "you're quick my dear."
It's not like i'm not trying. But apparently I give off the friend vibe. I had some quality guy talk with one of my guy friends and that is what I got from him.
Gotta love vibes.
I can't help if i'm friendly. Fucking hell.
Monday January 3 2005
today was good, went to the ortho for no good reason
same old comb over/toupee. i never could tell
its fuzzy and scary all the same
Wednesday December 29 2004
Best new years ever would be a BLUE JAYS A THON
Watch both the world series (92 and 93)
dress up in all our blue jays gear
it would be good times
Sunday August 8 2004
My Mother and I were just looking at the Athens O4 guide that everyone got in the mail, with the times of races etc.
I commented that one of the women scullers rowing for Canada did her learn to row at Argos (the club i row out of now).
The words exchanged were "woah", and "you never know"
then she said to me...."If you make it, i'll drive you!"
I love my mother, she is hilarious. (Its funny because she drives me to rowing everyday.)
And no doubt she would drive me to the ends of the earth if I needed to row there.
Friday June 4 2004
Six hours on pub transit four hours rowing seven hours at camp 1 hour in the car __________________ Zombie Eve, without any sleep there are only twenty four usuable hours in the day and i am using 18 of them YUS |
That's all for now. Am I too nostaligic??? I think so....
A long way down
Well, it had been a while (understatement) since I posted.
So.... Let the Update and ranting begin!
Things at work are good, I'm still kinda stuck in the same job, but I have created a lot of responsibilities for myself, so that has helped. I was the volunteer coordinator and on the organizing committee for the Employee Wellness Fair. We had around 1500 people attend and it was really awesome. I also got to produce 260 Billboards for the CBC broadcast of the Beijing Olympic Games, and it was really cool to see something I produced and made creative decisions over on television!
I am still producing billboards, things like..."this program was brought to you by...insert corporation name here..."
I definitely feel like more of my old self again, in terms of picking up a large amount of extra curricular activities. I just got elected to the board of directors of the rowing club, and I am still in the process of planning the Toronto December 6th Vigil to remember the women killed at L'Ecole Polytechnique in 1989 as well as other women who have been killed as a result of male violence since then. The vigil should be good this year, it seems like I have been better at recruiting my friends to volunteer, and I really would like to publicize it better this year as well.
I will write more about it later.
Things with Mat are good, he is convocating on Thursday. I have been working since I've been out of school and he has himself a master's degree. I would like to say that I am jealous, but frankly I don't think there is anything I would want to do a master's in. I guess I am more jealous of his focus then of the actual diploma.
My brother is heading to Africa in three weeks, and it is with his ambitions that my jealously lies.
I think it is fantastic that he is out to "save the world" and make a difference. I know it sounds cliche, but it is who I was for such a long time, and I almost feel like I have lost that part of myself along the way to becoming who I am today.
Friends. Friends, some I am dissapointed with some I am so So SO happy to have. My only beef is that I am constantly feeling like I am the only one putting the effort in. Calling people, inviting them to do things, holding get togethers. I dunno, I just am a little sick of being the only one putting in any effort. Let me be clear, this doesn't apply to all of my friends, just some. I think I am just even more dissapointed with the fact that some friends have been douches over this year over silly things that I tried to resolve. Some people just can't let go of their pride and it seems really sad to lose a friend I have known for almost 10 years to a silly debate.
I have started taking tap lessons again, so much fun! The last time I tapped was when I was 13, so it is amazing that my tap shoes "fit" (ie. squish my feet into pain), but I deal.
Keep Smiling
So.... Let the Update and ranting begin!
Things at work are good, I'm still kinda stuck in the same job, but I have created a lot of responsibilities for myself, so that has helped. I was the volunteer coordinator and on the organizing committee for the Employee Wellness Fair. We had around 1500 people attend and it was really awesome. I also got to produce 260 Billboards for the CBC broadcast of the Beijing Olympic Games, and it was really cool to see something I produced and made creative decisions over on television!
I am still producing billboards, things like..."this program was brought to you by...insert corporation name here..."
I definitely feel like more of my old self again, in terms of picking up a large amount of extra curricular activities. I just got elected to the board of directors of the rowing club, and I am still in the process of planning the Toronto December 6th Vigil to remember the women killed at L'Ecole Polytechnique in 1989 as well as other women who have been killed as a result of male violence since then. The vigil should be good this year, it seems like I have been better at recruiting my friends to volunteer, and I really would like to publicize it better this year as well.
I will write more about it later.
Things with Mat are good, he is convocating on Thursday. I have been working since I've been out of school and he has himself a master's degree. I would like to say that I am jealous, but frankly I don't think there is anything I would want to do a master's in. I guess I am more jealous of his focus then of the actual diploma.
My brother is heading to Africa in three weeks, and it is with his ambitions that my jealously lies.
I think it is fantastic that he is out to "save the world" and make a difference. I know it sounds cliche, but it is who I was for such a long time, and I almost feel like I have lost that part of myself along the way to becoming who I am today.
Friends. Friends, some I am dissapointed with some I am so So SO happy to have. My only beef is that I am constantly feeling like I am the only one putting the effort in. Calling people, inviting them to do things, holding get togethers. I dunno, I just am a little sick of being the only one putting in any effort. Let me be clear, this doesn't apply to all of my friends, just some. I think I am just even more dissapointed with the fact that some friends have been douches over this year over silly things that I tried to resolve. Some people just can't let go of their pride and it seems really sad to lose a friend I have known for almost 10 years to a silly debate.
I have started taking tap lessons again, so much fun! The last time I tapped was when I was 13, so it is amazing that my tap shoes "fit" (ie. squish my feet into pain), but I deal.
Keep Smiling
Found this from my old blog- Monday April 25 2005
A step off the train
A breath of fresh air
polluted
smog
but smells like home
sun beaming down, reflecting off the city
a white, shaped dome
a step inside
and it's magic
the hum of the crowd
the crack of a bat
the sound of leather
clap
clap
clap
the announcers song
I live for this
to be continued
A breath of fresh air
polluted
smog
but smells like home
sun beaming down, reflecting off the city
a white, shaped dome
a step inside
and it's magic
the hum of the crowd
the crack of a bat
the sound of leather
clap
clap
clap
the announcers song
I live for this
to be continued
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Thoughts on Opening Game
So this opening game was bitter sweet.
First off, let's start by saying that it was the last opening game at Yankee Stadium. The majority of my hopes went towards the Blue Jays winning, but 10% of me wanted the Yankees to get the win, for nostalgic reasons. Yogi Bera threw out the first pitch.
The Yankees haven't lost an Opening Game at home in 10 years.
As for the Jays....
Clearly there has been some change in the attitude they take when coming to the plate, which can be attributed to their new hitting coach, as well as the guys who came to camp a few pounds lighter and nursing a few less injuries.
It was nice to see the Jays playing a different kind of ball. As has been predicted, they are getting more green lights to steal bases. Scutaro stole two on Posada, which was definitely nice to see.
Other highlights include...Aaron Hill's double, which Melky Cabrera tried to steal; Greg Zaun throwing out Derek Jeter at second. Last year the Jays were a pretty easy team to steal on, and Zaun takes the majority of the flack for it.
Yankee highlights, that I don't want to remember...Melky Cabrera making two highlight reel plays in a row in Center Field. One high at the wall, and one diving catch in left center field.
He also hit a home run (again bitter sweet, as he is on my fantasy team...only $4!)
Ecstein has a MAD stance. For a small guy he really tries to make himself look mean at the plate. Unfortunately he didn't do great in the lead off position tonight, but I'm not about to get worried after one game.
It was great to see Shannon Stewart back in the lineup. If you looked closely you could see that his batting helmet had number #4 (his number during spring training) but he has chosen to wear #23, his number last year in Oakland. Matt Stairs has number #24, which was his number from 1995-2002 with the Jays.
My only major criticism, where I did not see improvement, is the team's performance with RISP. They went 1 in 12 with runners in scoring position. That is a lot of missed opportunities for some run support. I am hoping to see some improvement over the next couple of weeks.
All in all the Jays put up a fight. If you compare the stats of Halladay and Wang they are pretty similar. Both pitched 7 solid innings, and unfortunately, the Jays lost by 1 run.
Getting pumped for Friday when I actually get to see them play in person, and wear my dress!!
Play ball!
First off, let's start by saying that it was the last opening game at Yankee Stadium. The majority of my hopes went towards the Blue Jays winning, but 10% of me wanted the Yankees to get the win, for nostalgic reasons. Yogi Bera threw out the first pitch.
The Yankees haven't lost an Opening Game at home in 10 years.
As for the Jays....
Clearly there has been some change in the attitude they take when coming to the plate, which can be attributed to their new hitting coach, as well as the guys who came to camp a few pounds lighter and nursing a few less injuries.
It was nice to see the Jays playing a different kind of ball. As has been predicted, they are getting more green lights to steal bases. Scutaro stole two on Posada, which was definitely nice to see.
Other highlights include...Aaron Hill's double, which Melky Cabrera tried to steal; Greg Zaun throwing out Derek Jeter at second. Last year the Jays were a pretty easy team to steal on, and Zaun takes the majority of the flack for it.
Yankee highlights, that I don't want to remember...Melky Cabrera making two highlight reel plays in a row in Center Field. One high at the wall, and one diving catch in left center field.
He also hit a home run (again bitter sweet, as he is on my fantasy team...only $4!)
Ecstein has a MAD stance. For a small guy he really tries to make himself look mean at the plate. Unfortunately he didn't do great in the lead off position tonight, but I'm not about to get worried after one game.
It was great to see Shannon Stewart back in the lineup. If you looked closely you could see that his batting helmet had number #4 (his number during spring training) but he has chosen to wear #23, his number last year in Oakland. Matt Stairs has number #24, which was his number from 1995-2002 with the Jays.
My only major criticism, where I did not see improvement, is the team's performance with RISP. They went 1 in 12 with runners in scoring position. That is a lot of missed opportunities for some run support. I am hoping to see some improvement over the next couple of weeks.
All in all the Jays put up a fight. If you compare the stats of Halladay and Wang they are pretty similar. Both pitched 7 solid innings, and unfortunately, the Jays lost by 1 run.
Getting pumped for Friday when I actually get to see them play in person, and wear my dress!!
Play ball!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Donald Trump's HOUSE OF WINGS
So I was unable to find the clip on-line, so the transcript will have to do.
If you would like a visual, use your imagination.
For the audio, just sing it to the Tune of "JUMP"
or alternatively call me, and I will gladly sing it for you!
[Cheap neon sign reads: TRUMP'S House of Wings. The synth-driven riff from the Pointer Sisters' hit 1984 pop song "Jump (For My Love)" is heard as we pull back and pan down to reveal real estate mogul Donald Trump in a spectacularly awful all-yellow suit and tie. He stands in front of a couple of diners and addresses the camera.]
Donald Trump: Cock-a-doodle-doo, folks. I'm Donald Trump. ... And there's two things in the world I love -- a good deal and a good meal. So when I drove by a defunct Meineke Muffler Shop in Englewood, New Jersey ... I knew what I hadda do! I hadda buy it on the cheap and convert it into a restaurant specializing in buffalo chicken wings. ... So I did. And it's the most important thing I've ever done in my entire life. ... So, please, join me -- at Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[Trump gestures and four dancers, wearing goofy yellow and white chickens-popping-out-of-eggshells costumes, boogie into view and join him. They gesture energetically as they sing a parody of "Jump":]
Dancing Chickens: [sing]
Trump! You know our wings will make you happy!
Trump in! You know our wings will fill you up!
Trump! If you want a place with awesome chicken wings, yeah,
Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[The Donald, who has been dancin' like the proverbial white man in the midst of all this, claps his hands and the chickens boogie backward out of view to huge cheers and applause. An impressed Trump pauses and nods acknowledgment to the crowd before continuing:]
Donald Trump: Am I saying I'm a chicken wing expert? No. But I can tell you this -- the wing is hands down the best part of the chicken. Better than the head. Better than the torso. Better than the back! And at Donald Trump's House of Wings, you can get them with five different levels of hotness -- Regular, Hot, Three Alarm, Suicidal -- and Hell Spawn! [Each level is illustrated with a photo of Trump: "Smiling;" "Smiling but Red-Faced;" "Red-Faced and Wearing a Fireman's Helmet with Cheeks Puffed Out;" "Horned Goateed Red-Faced Devil with Cheeks Puffed Out;" and "Red-Faced with Eyes Bulging, Tongue Sticking Out and Steam Coming Out of Ears."] ... And, if you like celery, congratulations! It's on the house. ...
[Dancing chickens return. Trump claps, pumps a fist in the air and bobs in place arrhythmically.]
Dancing Chickens: [sing]
Trump! You know our wings come with free celery!
Trump in! You know these veggies are good for you!
Trump! If you want bleu cheese, there'll be a dollar extra!
Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[Trump claps his hands and the chickens boogie backward out of view, once again, to huge cheers and applause.]
Donald Trump: Donald Trump's House of Wings is hands down the best wing restaurant in New Jersey. If you don't believe me, ask my good friend, rock 'n' roll legend David Crosby.
[Synth riff fades out as white-haired, cherubic David Crosby enters with an acoustic guitar.]
David Crosby: Hey, Donny, man! When I'm not smokin' weed, firin' guns or throwing my sperm around the lesbian community ... I'm wolfin' down wings as fast as they can hack 'em off them little bastards! ...
Donald Trump: Hey, listen, listen. That wasn't in the script. You're not supposed to be talking like that. That's not right.
David Crosby: Oh, sorry, Donny, man.
Donald Trump: Take it easy.
David Crosby: Well, I call 'em like I sees 'em!
Donald Trump: Yeah, take it easy.
David Crosby: But I will say this about your place, Donald Trump.
[strums guitar, sings a slightly altered line from the 1970 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song, "Our House"]
His house is a very, very, very fine house --
[spoken with enthusiasm]
-- of Wings! ... Ha ha! Alrighty, I'm out of here! [pulls out a handgun and a plastic bag of marijuana] Hey, can you hold these for me? [tries to hand these to Trump]
Donald Trump: [pushes them away in disgust] I'm not gonna touch 'em. [tries to push Crosby offstage] Get out of here. Come on, get out.
David Crosby: [laughs] All right. [waves into the camera] Hey! Take it easy, Trumpy!
[Applause as David Crosby exits and the synth riff returns.]
Donald Trump: [shakes his head, disgusted with Crosby] Terrible! [continues, to camera] To all you people out there -- stop by and enjoy! And to all you chickens -- You're fry-ered! ... [looks around, shakes his head again, disgusted at the corny joke on his signature "You're fired" line] I don't like that. Come on, get the dancers back.
[Trump waves for the chickens and they return for a funky grand finale.]
Dancing Chickens: [sing]
Trump! You know our wings will make you happy!
Trump in! You know our wings will fill you up!
Trump! If you want a place with awesome chicken wings, yeah,
Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[Huge cheers and applause as we cut to the House of Wings logo and then see a map of Englewood, New Jersey with the logo -- as well as the logos of Trump's local competitors.]
Announcer V/O: Donald Trump's House of Wings -- off Route 13, right next to Al Sharpton's Casa de Sushi. If you pass Derek Jeter's Taco Hole, you've gone too far.
If you would like a visual, use your imagination.
For the audio, just sing it to the Tune of "JUMP"
or alternatively call me, and I will gladly sing it for you!
[Cheap neon sign reads: TRUMP'S House of Wings. The synth-driven riff from the Pointer Sisters' hit 1984 pop song "Jump (For My Love)" is heard as we pull back and pan down to reveal real estate mogul Donald Trump in a spectacularly awful all-yellow suit and tie. He stands in front of a couple of diners and addresses the camera.]
Donald Trump: Cock-a-doodle-doo, folks. I'm Donald Trump. ... And there's two things in the world I love -- a good deal and a good meal. So when I drove by a defunct Meineke Muffler Shop in Englewood, New Jersey ... I knew what I hadda do! I hadda buy it on the cheap and convert it into a restaurant specializing in buffalo chicken wings. ... So I did. And it's the most important thing I've ever done in my entire life. ... So, please, join me -- at Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[Trump gestures and four dancers, wearing goofy yellow and white chickens-popping-out-of-eggshells costumes, boogie into view and join him. They gesture energetically as they sing a parody of "Jump":]
Dancing Chickens: [sing]
Trump! You know our wings will make you happy!
Trump in! You know our wings will fill you up!
Trump! If you want a place with awesome chicken wings, yeah,
Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[The Donald, who has been dancin' like the proverbial white man in the midst of all this, claps his hands and the chickens boogie backward out of view to huge cheers and applause. An impressed Trump pauses and nods acknowledgment to the crowd before continuing:]
Donald Trump: Am I saying I'm a chicken wing expert? No. But I can tell you this -- the wing is hands down the best part of the chicken. Better than the head. Better than the torso. Better than the back! And at Donald Trump's House of Wings, you can get them with five different levels of hotness -- Regular, Hot, Three Alarm, Suicidal -- and Hell Spawn! [Each level is illustrated with a photo of Trump: "Smiling;" "Smiling but Red-Faced;" "Red-Faced and Wearing a Fireman's Helmet with Cheeks Puffed Out;" "Horned Goateed Red-Faced Devil with Cheeks Puffed Out;" and "Red-Faced with Eyes Bulging, Tongue Sticking Out and Steam Coming Out of Ears."] ... And, if you like celery, congratulations! It's on the house. ...
[Dancing chickens return. Trump claps, pumps a fist in the air and bobs in place arrhythmically.]
Dancing Chickens: [sing]
Trump! You know our wings come with free celery!
Trump in! You know these veggies are good for you!
Trump! If you want bleu cheese, there'll be a dollar extra!
Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[Trump claps his hands and the chickens boogie backward out of view, once again, to huge cheers and applause.]
Donald Trump: Donald Trump's House of Wings is hands down the best wing restaurant in New Jersey. If you don't believe me, ask my good friend, rock 'n' roll legend David Crosby.
[Synth riff fades out as white-haired, cherubic David Crosby enters with an acoustic guitar.]
David Crosby: Hey, Donny, man! When I'm not smokin' weed, firin' guns or throwing my sperm around the lesbian community ... I'm wolfin' down wings as fast as they can hack 'em off them little bastards! ...
Donald Trump: Hey, listen, listen. That wasn't in the script. You're not supposed to be talking like that. That's not right.
David Crosby: Oh, sorry, Donny, man.
Donald Trump: Take it easy.
David Crosby: Well, I call 'em like I sees 'em!
Donald Trump: Yeah, take it easy.
David Crosby: But I will say this about your place, Donald Trump.
[strums guitar, sings a slightly altered line from the 1970 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song, "Our House"]
His house is a very, very, very fine house --
[spoken with enthusiasm]
-- of Wings! ... Ha ha! Alrighty, I'm out of here! [pulls out a handgun and a plastic bag of marijuana] Hey, can you hold these for me? [tries to hand these to Trump]
Donald Trump: [pushes them away in disgust] I'm not gonna touch 'em. [tries to push Crosby offstage] Get out of here. Come on, get out.
David Crosby: [laughs] All right. [waves into the camera] Hey! Take it easy, Trumpy!
[Applause as David Crosby exits and the synth riff returns.]
Donald Trump: [shakes his head, disgusted with Crosby] Terrible! [continues, to camera] To all you people out there -- stop by and enjoy! And to all you chickens -- You're fry-ered! ... [looks around, shakes his head again, disgusted at the corny joke on his signature "You're fired" line] I don't like that. Come on, get the dancers back.
[Trump waves for the chickens and they return for a funky grand finale.]
Dancing Chickens: [sing]
Trump! You know our wings will make you happy!
Trump in! You know our wings will fill you up!
Trump! If you want a place with awesome chicken wings, yeah,
Donald Trump's House of Wings!
[Huge cheers and applause as we cut to the House of Wings logo and then see a map of Englewood, New Jersey with the logo -- as well as the logos of Trump's local competitors.]
Announcer V/O: Donald Trump's House of Wings -- off Route 13, right next to Al Sharpton's Casa de Sushi. If you pass Derek Jeter's Taco Hole, you've gone too far.
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